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My Podcast is only being made because I no longer have a relationship with my son. It takes the place of our conversations and serves as a memorial, to him, to truth and to fighting the scourge of escapism, predation and bullshit in our drug infested culture.

How Could This Happen?

Aug 28, 2020

I use the podcast to process and create art that i know my son would approve of. 

We constantly shared work, music, fighting skills and life-strategies. It was amazing. I thought we were heading towards meaningful lives, but heroin use destroyed that.

I haven't really been able to recover. In some ways, on the outside,...

Aug 28, 2020

The effects lasted a solid week. Dreams and feelings collided and meshed.

I started a work project the same week.

One foot in and one foot out of this world.

I share my reflections 

I am my reflections

I better leave it at that

enjoy, i guess



Aug 21, 2020

Whoa. I took my daughters invitation to experience DMT. 

My intention was to get beyond myself somehow, my story, my self, my grief, my interpretation of things.

It was a journey into the unknown and meta-life.

Crazy wisdom. I disappeared into my primal existence.

I was surprised at how happy my authentic state is and...

Aug 14, 2020

I prepare myself to experience DMT with my daughter...I'm afraid.

Ben, a mercurial friend led us into the park on thanksgiving morning...

I recount what I learned from wild mushrooms.

My kids asked me to share a sacred experience with them, I regret turning them down.

remember the dove, a silhouette against the sky...


Aug 7, 2020

I had a psychic connection with my son, especially when thing were seriously wrong. This episode recounts an incident when I knew things were wrong. It was like phone was always ringing but I only heard it when the veil was thin enough. 

He almost died that night but that was only the beginning of the end. I had some...