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My Podcast is only being made because I no longer have a relationship with my son. It takes the place of our conversations and serves as a memorial, to him, to truth and to fighting the scourge of escapism, predation and bullshit in our drug infested culture.

Dec 25, 2020

What I see and hear

Speaking in jibberish not tongues

Walrus meets Elk

My son converted to the religion of escapism and paid with his life

Overdose is a conspiracy, it never just happens

Joining this death-cult is a commitment 

disconnect from the web

Lose the ability to hear

Abusers are zealots

Dec 18, 2020

Recorded at 4AM after the last day of my brainwashing seminar

3 days of uncomfortable hammering

A had 3 wonderful days with my mother and her partner.

"you've had it too easy"

So much seems up to the individual 

My son painted a face of a clown

In the woods there is a swamp

I resisted the positive message 

I am drawn to...

Dec 11, 2020

I signed up for a brainwashing seminar.

I approach it with an open mind (pun)

Is it possible to prevail over grief?

Can I even envision a life without my son? etc...

How would he feel knowing how you are now?

A new me. Nothing Matters

Why can't I just let him be dead?

Protect yourself.

Dec 4, 2020

Today is what should be my son's 27th birthday. 

His twin, a friend, his co-conspirator was just found dead. Like my son.

I felt compelled to dedicate this week's episode to this awful twist of reality.

Heartbreaking and disturbing.

I visit with and speak to my son. I break the news to his memory.

Another Nobody. 


Nov 27, 2020

What is the meaning of life? I asked Aristotle.

Endgame, Skill, and the intrinsic human desire for good.

I asked my teacher "what the meaning of life" his reply: "not to suck"

Guitar and Bass are my solace now. My son is no longer a human, that i know of.

Drugs are connection negligence

Stupid is fatal